Why Did You Surrender?

“It was all great, babe. A lot of memories that I can’t believe I need to bury. Why did you surrender?”

I have been solo traveling for years and the majority of the time are great on my own, without having to worry about others aside for myself. Traveling has been part of my life ever since, but I didn’t even imagine that with this interest I will meet someone who will finally sweep me off of my feet. From then on, traveling has been more exciting with a great loving companion with me each time we get the chance. Though, it was never easy. Long distance relationship is complicated with me being a 3rd world country passport holder which limits me to go everywhere to see him and needs to face visa ordeals. We encounter rough times due to distance and other factors surrounding the relationship.

Traveling is one of the ways for people now to forget sad memories, but have you ever thought that one day you would see traveling in a different way? Just because it reminds you of a lot of things that are much making you sad. I can totally relate to you. Let me write here what could probably the words you want to say to your favorite person/travel buddy before things ended but weren’t able to due to pride and ego. While reading this, I want you to remember each moment you were together. From the first time you met, may it be in a plane, at the airport, at a particular destination, up to the time that that person means the world to you. Maybe it isn’t too late now after all.

HERE IT GOES…

I wish I am just having a nightmare right now that when I wake up none of it is real. Tears are none stop running from my eyes as I am writing this. I want to scream; I want to get mad, I want to hurt myself, I want to disappear, I want to question everything, “what happened, why me?” But all I want now is to remember the good times and memories that we have, no matter how it will hurt.

You come into my life unexpectedly. Surprisingly but just in time when I am ready. I am always on guard when it comes to my heart, but when you came, I place them down. You are the sun that brings sunshine to my every day. You are the chocolate that makes my every smile so sweet. You are the reason why I am excited about every day. We’ve been through a lot, from the waiting game, distance, and problems, but we always end up supporting and understanding each other. I believe our relationship is full of patience. No matter how far you are, I am patiently waiting for you until such time you come back. I remember the first time I picked you up at the airport. I was so excited, shy and nervous but we end up clicking so much. Every time you return, I always feel the same, but more comfortable and love keeps growing more and more. I showed you and let you into my small wonderful world. We traveled together. We saw the world together. We made a lot of good friends along. We shared a lot of first times. We cried and laughed together. I know we spend most of the year separated from each other. Our time spent isn’t as much as the people you see every day, but in that short period I have to be with you, I hope I made you happy. Seeing you cry because of overwhelming happiness with the things I do for you means so much to me.

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I will miss all the times we’ve seen beautiful sunsets while drinking our favorite cold drinks. I will miss all the crazy, silly, funny things we do together. I will miss our movie dates, sushi date nights, noodle nights and our cookies and milk treats. I will miss our lazy days that we download movies, watch them then I ended up falling asleep on your chest. I will miss waking up next to you. It feels so good to start the day when you are the first person I get to see. I will miss cooking food for you. I always remember your face every time you like them, and when you mix all the sauces on your rice. It was indeed rewarding for me seeing you happy with the simple things I do for you. I will miss looking forward to seeing you again, giving you warm hugs and sniffs.

It was all great, babe. A lot of memories that I can’t believe I need to bury. Why did you surrender? I thought we are in this together, but why are you letting go? I believe that everything is real, that your love is real. I know it is. I’ve seen it all. I do not want to accept that we lose the battle just like that.

Like I always tell you, I can see myself with you over the years and beyond, but sadly I will face the future alone now. If I am dreaming, please wake me up from this nightmare. I still wish this is just a dream. A dream that I would never want to have.

I wonder if you think about me. I wonder if you care how devastated I am now. I want to see and feel the care you used to give me. I am lost. No matter what it is that is happening; I hope you choose your real happiness. I hope you will always remember me as a wonderful person you’ve known and like you tell people. I am not sure if this is the end, I have no clue, but thank you for everything. Please remember that… you will always be in my heart.

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