CONNECTION VS. ATTRACTION
In this world of “do you have wifi?”, a world where we always have to be reminded to disconnect to connect, CONNECTION often seems to be determined in the first meeting or a few exchanges of messages, and if we feel we do not like the other person that much, we cut it off.
We put a stop in the chance of knowing the other person more. This is difficult because it is impossible to connect with someone in less than 24 hours. Connection also takes time. It is shared values, interests, knowledge, character, differences, time, courage, and vulnerability. Often times, we switch “connection” to “attraction.” They are two different things, but we like to combine them. Not equally combined because attraction outweighs connection. Attraction for me is way shallow than how wonderful connection is. We often get shallow attraction, which focuses only on physical attributes and a little bit of character because we are rushing. This applies to networking, friendships, dating, and basically, in general, when we socialize with people. We always have the statement, “I don’t want to waste time.”
No wonder a lot of us are with the wrong people. No wonder a lot of relationships ended after some time because they realized they don’t have a connection. We focus more on attraction instead of giving chance and time for connecting. Connection is not just a swipe right and a swipe left kind of thing.
NOT A LOVE STORY
I remember meeting this man while traveling that I am very attracted to. I like him so much that I had this thought of staying longer so I can get to know him. The first time I met him, it was amazing. It felt like I’ve known him for a long time. And I get this initial connect to him through how we see the world. My main attraction to him was how he carries himself, his intelligence, his enthusiasm for improving every single day, and his passion for making the world a better place. His good looks were only a bonus. I never expected anything, but I won’t lie, I had these hopes that we will continue to see each other, get to know more, and eventually connect at a deeper level. But sadly, this isn’t a happy ending. Haha!
It was a very low investment (he was low investment), but knowing me? The enthusiastic one, no matter how busy I am every day, if I decide to give you time, I’ll give you time. So, even if the “low investment” red flag is blinking so bright, I still reach out to him every now and then. I know that I have so much to offer! A few hours of spending time together in a few days aren’t enough to decide, so I didn’t want just to surrender – this was my thought. It wasn’t desperation of wanting to be noticed, but it’s my vulnerability all over the place, and because of it, I’ve known when to stop. Vulnerability is never a weakness. It is actually necessary for us to go through to reach joy, peace, help us in decision making, and a lot more. When we embrace vulnerability, we are actually gentle to ourselves too. We are giving ourselves the favor to heal and go out there again for the next battle.
I am not sharing this to rant or complain about how frustrating it turned out. I am writing this to share that even if things didn’t turn out as you wanted, the fact that you were courageous enough and vulnerable enough to reach out first, send that God damn text in order to let him know you remember him, letting him know that “hey, you know I like you, right?” even if you get only a “☺” emoji in return is okay. You did your part. You won’t have what-ifs because you tried. Then now, take a step back and move forward. 😉
Over the years, I understand that it is so important to embrace my vulnerability. I am still struggling with it, to be honest, because of shame and fear. Shame that people won’t like me for me and fear of rejection. I struggle to connect with people before. I was often labeled unaffable and snob, but people don’t know that behind the unaffable face, is just a shy girl. It took me years to become who you know today – bubbly, always smiling, cheerful, crazy-happy personality, open, optimistic, patient. I dig so deep within me to unleash these. Now, though it isn’t still easy to fully embrace vulnerability, I still believe that in order for us to actually connect to everything, we have to be vulnerable. We have to show who we are and be seen out there. And that even some people will judge us, it is okay. And that even though we get rejected, no matter how many times it is, we should still choose to love and express whole-heartedly. I believe that a waste of time is not the chances we give people to get to know them and get to know us. Waste of time for me is the what-ifs in the end because this will bug you forever.
Are you in the process of embracing your vulnerability? Share your way to do this. Let me know in the comments below. 😃