I remember when I was little, we were in my relative’s vehicle on our way back to Manila from a vacation in my mom’s hometown. The car suddenly stopped and moved again after a few moments. I looked around and noticed my dad who is sitting at the back is missing. I asked my mom, “Nasaan si Papa?” (Where is Papa?), She said he will visit his parents nearby and would not be home for a few weeks. He didn’t say goodbye. Probably because he knows what will be my reaction. I was very sad. That’s the first time I remember my dad is away. The thought of it made me very sad. My mom wrapped my dad’s shirt around me. It smells like him, and it feels like he is just there with me. It helped me.
For those who I’ve been with for long, who sees my everyday life are familiar with my weirdness. All those sniffs sniffs I do and all that are my ways/actions of saying I am comfortable being with you, and I love having you around. Don’t wonder why I asked a shirt or something that could remind me of your smell the moment you left. This act of weirdness we can call it is actually comforting me until I don’t feel sad anymore. Now you know! Are you laughing? Because I am!
Parting is never easy…
I can’t count how many times I said goodbyes and parted ways for the past years. Most are unuttered farewells, which makes it more painful. Others are known goodbyes for the meantime but the impact is as hard as those who I know will never return. I am not sure what would I prefer?
Since little, I don’t handle separations well. It is funny because to think of it; I will still see the person again. I don’t know when but the thing to look forward to is I will see them again. It is not actually goodbye but, still, I suffer from sadness, I shed tears. What more if it is an actual goodbye? Can you imagine how I am during those times? I want to think that I am a weirdo in this matter, but maybe some of you are like me?
IT’S TIME TO GO
Parting ways with a good friend are never easy. What surprises me is it is an unexpected friendship.
Today, I parted ways with someone again. A friend that I’ve been traveling with for more than three months. I pretty well know that at some point our journey exploring places together will reach its end. But I was never ready. We spent our last few hours together eating the same food, ate our favorite cookie butter frozen yogurt, drink the same drinks, while we chat about funny and random things until it is time to go to the bus stop.
I thought we would have a few minutes more to spend, but the bus arrives earlier than expected. Do you know the feeling like something holding your heart tighter and tighter until it bursts? That is how I feel exactly. I try to hold my tears from falling. My friend got on the bus. I was standing outside waiting until the bus leaves. I turn my back pretending to use my phone whenever I can no longer hold my tears. Sounds dramatic, everybody hates drama, but yes, it happens.
It’s time to go. For the last time, I look at my friend. I smiled and waved goodbye. You know what happened next after holding your tears for a long moment – I breakdown.
Please don’t travel with me.
The thought of me waking up the next day without that one friend who I am used to being around with the entire time is difficult.
Please don’t travel with me.
The switch I need to do doing everything alone now from doing everything like eating together, preparing things together, making things easy for each other; all the adventures and misadventures together is hard.
Please don’t travel with me…
I’ll be hurt when it is time for you to leave.
I wish I can just easily utter this request every time but no. A good friend once told me, “…don’t worry the best part about saying goodbye to someone is that it leaves space to say hello to someone new.” And who knows maybe one day, I will say hello once again to the same person I once parted ways too.