Late at night, opens the laptop and begins to write, oh well this is my mood tonight. I just finished catching up with my dear friend, Karen. Daytime in Macau, nighttime in Peru. It is always amazing to talk to a good friend especially when it’s been months long that I am away from home. I am not complaining, don’t get me wrong! HAHA! I love what I do, but of course, I am missing home.
Of Friendship and Experiences
Anyway, as always every time we catch up we end up talking deep things about life, love, career. I guess it comes with age haha! We are way mature now. Karen is my go-to person when something is bothering me, and I need advice, or something exciting happens, she is one of the first persons to know. We both live a busy life, entirely different lives. We do not talk every day. Karen and I do not see each other often given that she is based in Macau and I am always away wherever my feet lead me, but whenever we get the chance to catch up, nothing changed. Still the same bond like 10 years ago!
Tonight, I learned that my friend is out of the Singles Club! It’s good news, right? I am definitely happy for her. It feels like it was just yesterday when we are venting out to each other our heartaches! She even ate expired noodles without her realizing that it is indeed expired as she continues to tell me her story! The noodles are almost done when she saw the date – this kind of stories is undoubtedly one to laugh about when we get old! As we get on with our conversation, she comes across an old letter to self she wrote last year. She shared it to me, and after hearing it, I ask myself, am I okay now? Before I fully get on to that, let me share with you the entire letter written by my friend. Hope it inspires you just like it did to me.
It’s close to 6 weeks before Christmas, and freakin’ mama Mariah won’t stop singing her all time-favorite.
You are sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Macau, feeling strong, yet there’s a part of you that remains sad, no. You just can’t stop thinking about the memories with that person who broke your heart.
You look around you. The second floor is filled with high school students, reviewing and or enjoying their time with friends.
You begin to reflect how you are really feeling. How are you? Are you really sad? Are you okay? How’s KK?
Well, its sounds cliché but we both know that time heals all wounds. Are you still in pain? Definitely, but it’s minimal pain. A tolerable one. Like in between moving forward or slipping and moving a few steps backwards.
You are in the process of withdrawal. 5 months of your life were spent hurting, refocusing your goals, becoming vulnerable, learning new things and growing. How long will you be there? Well, my love, it is honestly up to you. But we both know that the right thing to do is to take those steps forward without looking back. You got this.
You are smart, you are wonderful, beautiful and most of all, you are well-loved by the people around you. You are smart enough to understand the ratio. It may take a few more days (I’m rooting for you!) to get back up, and bounce back to the next and final stage, self-love, but hey, you really can do it.
I imagine you waking up to see the love of your life, and you smile cause you feel pure bliss. He would open his eyes and give you this genuine, warm, loving kiss and he’d tell you how much he loves you. That is something that you deserve. Please hang in there. Love yourself, respect yourself, and one day, when you least expect it, that lucky, ravishingly handsome and loving guy will find you. You honestly don’t have to worry about it. You will be ready, so as he. Don’t take that love away. Believe in God, trust the process and be patient in love. Nothing great is ever easy.
It’s time to love yourself babe. It’s time.
Am I Okay?
I haven’t really opened up about my relationship status. One day, I decided to completely be silent about it. Let it past just as much as I try my best to forget it. Imagine that you already build a future you look forward to with someone that you believe will happen and he will be there forever. You think that it is something he wants as well because that is how he made you feel. Then out of nowhere, he disappears? Yes, ghosted! Oh well. Your world will shatter, right? You are left with nothing but tons of WHYs?
For the past months, this is what I’ve been battling. I am fighting to no longer bury myself with the question, why! Because no matter how much I ask, I will never have the answer to my whys. The other person decided to end it that way, and there is nothing more I can do but to accept the fact that for some I am not worth the explanation. And that I am not worth facing with proper closure. How unfair, right? But that is life. I will not lie, I am still in pain, but I chose not to let the pain linger. Day by day I am progressing. I am okay but yes, not fully recovered.
Dear You, Focus on Yourself
They say, by traveling, I am only escaping the reality and that I am not really facing the situation. But let me tell you this, traveling is not just my escape, but it is my Xanax to my anxiety, sadness, and depression. I think this is the only thing in this world that I would let myself be addicted to. Hell yes, I’m on it! It helps me forget. Traveling makes me occupied. Moreover, it helps me realize that there are so much in this world to be thankful for. That my world will not end with heartache. And that in every closing door, there is a golden gate opening.
I am dedicated to focus on myself and to more relevant matters in my life now. The older I get, the more it sinks into me that happiness is you. Happiness is ourselves itself. Happiness is a state of mind, and it is definitely a choice that you have to make. It doesn’t depend on someone else. You do not have to be with someone to complete yourself. I am glad to say that this is the happiest I’ve been. I no longer cry myself to sleep. The day will come that I will be completely moved on. I know it will be soon…
For now, to all the ladies in the world (single or not), HAVE FUN! Anything that you have or you do is useless if you aren’t enjoying it. You are 30, 35 or more? Who cares! Everything should be in your own phase. Don’t let pressure gets in you. You do not have suitors? It is fine! It doesn’t mean you are not attractive enough or you are hard to be with. It is their loss for not braving enough to ask you out! Focus on yourself and enjoy! Life is too short to frown for things that didn’t go well. Life is too short to waste for the wrong things and people. Easier said than done, but you just gotta deal with it.
Get back up as real quick as you can because you go, girl!